Barry.

This is a picture of me and my most favorite rat in the whole wide world, Barry. Barry is actually a Professor of All-Things Rat, which is an impressive title for a rat of only a couple years of age. He likes to smell things and wander around looking for food. Sometimes, he likes to escape from his cage, hoard some Triscuits and steal receipt paper to play with later. Once, he pooped on me. After that we didn't talk for a week, but I forgave him because he's a rat, and my friend. Friends fight sometimes, like when they poop on each other or one of them bites the other while he's trying to feed him, but they get over it and move on. That's what makes them such good friends, like me and Barry.

I like to hold Barry and scratch behind his ears. He seems to like it, too, but sometimes he gets fidgety and wants to crawl around and explore. I usually let him, but I'm kind of allergic to him, so sometimes I break out in hives. Barry is adorable and sometimes he sneezes, which is bad for him but really cute to me. If Barry and I could live together forever, that would be awesome.

Very Funny. And True.

This sums up just about every magazine for women ever published.

Balding: The Upsides

1. I use WAY less shampoo then you.

2. Conditioner isn't even on my radar.

3. I never have bed head.

4. Except for maybe wrinkled clothes or smell, no one can tell I haven't showered.

5. I never pay for haircuts.

6. The hair I do have is oh so soft.

7. My haircuts take 15, 20 minutes tops.

8. Regardless of decade, I'm pretty much always in style.

9. I never have to ask, "Does my hair look okay?"

Tea Partiers

I keep hearing clips and reading articles that quote Tea Party-ers saying that it is time to "Take the Country Back!" I am just wondering: Who are you taking the country back from? Who took the country from you in the first place? I'm pretty sure the country has been here all along for all of us. When my politics were falling on deaf ears, I didn't want to "Take the Country Back," I wanted to vote my guy in so my politics wouldn't fall on deaf ears. No one took your country. The US is still here.

A Thought.

I want to get a "WWSPD" bracelet, which would stand for "What Would Sarah Palin Do" so that when I'm befuddled about what course of action I should take, I can look at the bracelet, think of what Sarah Palin would do, then do something that isn't even remotely related to what she would do. It may not be the best guidance system, but it would at least give me a jumping-off point.

They wrote out the year in case you can't read numbers.

Awesome.

50 Things I Would Do on a Gorgeous, 80-degree Saturday Before I'd Think to Go Shopping at Old Navy

A List By Greg.

1. Go to the beach.

2. Go to the park.

3. Have a picnic.

4. Have a BBQ.

5. Read outside.

6. Play catch with a friend (baseball, football, lacrosse, etc.)

7. Play basketball.

8. Play tennis.

9. Kick a soccer ball around.

10. Play golf.

11. Play mini-golf.

12. Go to the batting cages.

13. Go for a bike ride.

14. Go for a walk.

15. Drink beer on the front porch.

16. Drink beer on the back porch.

17. Write stuff outside.

18. Draw stuff outside.

19. Do some yard work.

20. Play baseball.

21. Play whiffle ball.

22. Play kick ball.

23. Play dodgeball.

24. Play volleyball.

25. Sit and soak up the sun.

26. Go for a drive.

27. Go to the zoo.

28. Go to an outdoor cafe.

29. Go to an outdoor restaurant.

30. Go to a bar with outdoor seating.

31. Get some ice cream from the local ice cream shop.

32. Get some frosty chocolate milkshakes.

33. Drink some lemonade on the front porch while enjoying the casual spring breeze.

34. Hook up the TV outside and watch a movie.

35. Play beer pong in the front yard.

36. Play rugby.

37. Play flag football.

38. Play two-hang-touch football.

39. Play tackle football.

40. Clean out the garage.

41. Take the dog for a long walk.

42. Go for a jog.

43. Go for a run.

44. Walk around in circles.

45. Catch toads.

46. Take a nap on a lawn chair.

47. Go swimming.

48. Split a 6-pack of beer with a good friend and watch the sun set behind the sky line of Manhattan from your apartment building's roof.

49. Enjoy some yummy beer shakes on the porch/deck/balcony/roof.

50. Fucking anything that I could possibly think of to do outside because it is 80 degrees in April in New England and more likely than not, Old Navy will be there open for business the next time it fucking rains. There was absolutely no need to shop today, vile cretins. No need.