I've had these lumps for years. They first showed up on college and at first, only showed up when I was putting a strain on my leg muscles. Now, at least the one on my left leg, is apparent almost all the time. It's small, squishy and really just feels like a weird void where there's supposed to be some muscle.
The point of this post though, if there is one, is that to deal with this (most likely) innocuous threat to my life, I have deferred to humor and not-taking-it-seriously. In fact, that's how I deal with most harm or bad stuff that comes my way. When I got laid off, everyone else in the office was upset. I spent the time cleaning out my desk and laughing at everyone who had to go back to the office on Monday. I made jokes and poked fun. I had a merry-good-time making an exaggerated exit. (Low and behold, they won in the end because I've been out of work for a year and a half.) It was really only until the next week or so I realized the serious magnitude of what had happened. That seems to be how I work. The first couple days after something awful happens, I do surprisingly well (especially given my general disposition and outlook). Then all of a sudden, the brevity of the situation starts to hit me and I tumble down into a rut. That being said, I expect "potential cancer rut" to hit sometime around the end of the month. Or maybe closer to when I go to get them checked out. Which won't be for another month. Because new patients REQUIRE a physical. And if you know anything about the way most doctors work, they only schedule physicals on certain days at certain times. And if your schedule doesn't fit around those certain days, you have to wait until the next time. Well, my schedule didn't fit, so I get to wait a month to find out if I am dying any faster than normal.
And I get to pay for it all myself, because I have no health insurance.
Where's that public option when you need it?
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