Giant Windows

Across the street from my office, there's a building with almost floor-to-ceiling windows. Every day, a whole slew of men are doing renovations, sprucing up all the different rooms, painting, re-flooring, plastering, putting in new doors, etc. When I get stuck with whatever I'm working on, sometimes I'll look out the window and watch them work, trying to figure out if they're building new apartments or offices. (Found out last week they're building rooms in a homeless shelter). Regardless, my mind always takes me back to the same train of thought: I wonder what its like to start every day of work at one point and finish at another point that is physically and tangibly different than when you began. Or put another way, when these guys leave work at the end of the day, they can see every single thing they accomplished that day in front of them. The changes they made are physical, immediate and obvious. They put in a new door. They painted a room. They sealed the floors. Every day they know exactly what it is they accomplished. I often find myself wishing that I could have that kind of satisfaction at the end of the day.

The things I create at work are almost entirely intangible. I put words on a piece of paper based on thoughts and ideas that float around in my head. When I leave at the end of the day, the office still looks the same (maybe a little more or less disorganized). Nothing has been physically created or destroyed and I often wonder if I've actually accomplished anything, or if I've just pushed the boulder a little further down the path of futility. Of course, I suppose once the work is approved and printed or produced, there will be some tangible result, but the only actual creation I had was the idea that's been executed in printed form. It's an interpretation of the idea, not necessarily the idea itself. Even though I can hold it in my hand, I often feel like there really hasn't been any significant feat that's been achieved.

While discussing this with a friend, she noted that the construction guys probably look across the street and become jealous of me, that I sit at a computer all day and don't have to do any major physical labor. I'm skeptical, because I've always felt a very visceral sense of satisfaction from manual labor, but she did have a point. I am certainly appreciative that I have this job. There are times, though, that I wish I was better with my hands so I could create with them as well as my mind.

I can be such a whiner.