"Your Resume is Sabotaging Your Job Search"

That may be true. And I did (supposedly) ask for a free resume consultation with the wonderful people at Jobfox.com.

Rewind.

I registered on Jobfox.com because I they had a job posting I wanted to apply to (haven't heard back...obviously). To do so, you have to fill an extremely annoying and long winded profile that takes far too long. (But then how could they judge my resume?!) Any-hoos, somewhere along the line I clicked a box that said I was interested in a free resume review by some person at Jobfox.com. Sweet. I like things that are free. I figured it might even help explain my year-long unemployment with only one interview.

Turns out, according to the lovely Peg Crits, Resume Service Consultant, I'm a great candidate that no one who reads my resume in 30 seconds will hire. Bummer. In fact, here's what Peg really things of all my achievements and hour(s) writing my resume.

We’ve all been told that looks don’t matter as much as substance, but in the case of your resume this just isn’t true. I found your design to be visually uneven. The appearance is not polished, and it doesn’t say “up and coming Freelance Copywriter." Remember that your resume is your marketing tool. It’s the first impression a potential employer has of you. Now – think about how generic brands are marketed versus the name brand. The packaging, advertising and branding are all carefully selected to attract attention and convince you to buy. Your resume should do the same thing - you want to be the brand name product. I’m concerned that your resume is selling you like a generic, and that it’s not likely to get picked among those of other candidates. The ideal resume design is airy, clean, and uncluttered, with the effective and strategic use of white space.

Ouchies. My pride. She goes on to tell me my presentation is horrible, that I come off as a "doer," not an "achiever" and blah blah blah some other bad stuff. She then tells me I should sign up for Jobfox's professional writing dealy where I shell out more money than I have so that someone else who I don't know can write my resume. OR I can take your wonderful advice, and do it myself.

OR I can go online, Google Peg Crits, and find out that aside from a few changed words (like, copywriter where I'm sure it really says "Job Title Here") and whatnot, this is really just boilerplate copy from what I can only assume is someone whose job it is to plug in the correct words and e-mail me back. In fact, I'm sure I could submit the most well-written, well-designed resume in the whole wide world and I would still get the same version of that "critique." Way to low-ball me, Jobfox. I'm glad you give me so much credit.

HOO-YEA!