The Creative Divide

I could be imagining things. I could just read too many blogs written by old-timers and grumpy curmudgeons long-ago burned out by a thankless, inconsiderate industry. Whatever the case may be, I'm finding that there seem to be two major sects on the creative side of advertising: The sect obsessed with doing whatever it takes (and whatever it costs) to win awards, regardless of how much it helps their clients, and the sect focused on a dichotomy of creativity and efficacy. The former is the "new," the latter, the "old."

While I admittedly can't offer an overwhelming amount in the way of experience, I no doubt find myself falling in the line with the "old" form. As much as I love being creative/irreverent/funny/out-there/baseless/adventurous/silly/completely-off-the-wall with my ideas, I am bereft to find the purpose of doing so if it doesn't fall in-line with the strategy of the brand and speak to the target. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that doing so, especially with someone else's money (the client) is both irresponsible and unethical. As much as I may deride clients for trying to put the squeeze on agencies to keep budgets down to the point of being downright despicable, we aren't doing ourselves all that much in the way of gaining credibility by investing time and money in campaigns that might rake in awards, but don't move product. Perhaps I'm an idealist, but I do believe that we earn our keep by doing the outlandish creative thing in a way that sells product. We work in a business-ified-art mutant-hybrid industry where, as much as we may want to be abstract and beautiful, sometimes we have to "dirty up" our masterpieces with a logo or a slogan. We chose this path. As such, if we don't like it, we should look elsewhere. Or do real art on the side.

All of that being said, I do find it a bit ridiculous that there are award ceremonies for advertising or that they've become such a spectacle. I liken it to there being an award show for used-car salespeople or criminal defense attorneys (both of whom score around the same in polls for least-trusted professions). And honestly, I find it even more perverse that, not only are the awards handed out by people within the industry, but that judges are allowed to participate in voting on campaigns their respective agencies worked on. Not to be too crass, but these award shows seem more like a really expensive circle jerk. Or, rather, a giant masturbation pit where everyone who thinks they are awesome can go get each other off while talking about how awesome they are (don't want to leave out the ladies).

Recognition for a job well-done is excellent and a great motivator. And perhaps, because companies (especially those owned by faceless holding companies), like to exploit their workers with as little compensation as possible, these award shows have become necessary so employees can demand, and actually receive, their fair wages. Still, I'm hard-pressed to find myself all that motivated by the chance of winning a titanium anything. I'd much rather be proud of the work I do that people like my mom and dad actually see. They hate commercials. If I can make them laugh, I know I'm doing a good job.

Cover Letters

Be warned: There will be a fair amount of griping involved in this post.

As I have essentially been searching for a job since I graduated college four years ago, I have become well-versed, and supremely annoyed, by the necessity of a cover letter. At first, my distaste with the document stemmed from having an extremely difficult time writing positively about myself. When it comes to me, I'm blatantly honest with a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor that often translates into an awkward lack of confidence. Whether that is born from any kind of reality aside, the process of writing even a generic cover letter to send to multiple companies became an onerous task. Then, in my opinion, I found my stride.

Then, it was posited to me that I should be writing specific cover letters to each job I applied to, lest someone find out they were hit with a blanket, cover-all cover letter. Here is why I am so resistant to this.

It takes me probably about a week to come up with a legitimate, well-thought-out cover letter that properly explains what I've done, without sounding too lame or boring. And then it takes even more time to refine it. Then more time to revise, adjust, edit, rewrite, and whatnot to fit each company I am applying to. And then, after all of that work JUST to get a readable, engaging cover letter written, I ALMOST NEVER hear back. And thus, what becomes my motivation to put all of that time and effort into a cover letter when the result is the exact same as if I simply put a link to my website in the body and attach my resume? Right. Getting a job. Except, that has only sort of happened. And it never happened on the back of my cover letter. I'd much rather let my work speak for itself.

Found Some Clips for Yous.

In regards to my earlier post about not being able to find clips, I found clips.

I give you Flo, the Progressive Lady

and the new Best Buy spot

As soon as I can, the others I said I'd look for. Mitchum. That's right.

(Disclaimer: I have an attraction to both Flo and the new Best Buy girl that I can't really explain. Either way, I'm not sure copying the Progressive campaign was the smartest move. Unless Flo's managed to drastically increase business at Progressive. Even then, copying sucks.)

Excellent.

Thank you, Bill Hicks.

Repeats.

Because I am so often directed by my superiors to "look at this campaign" because "I want that look and feel" or "we should do something like that," I've begun to notice, perhaps more so than before, that I am not alone in being pushed in this direction.

As soon as humanly possible, I will find clips (currently unavailable because I only searched for about a minute) to show you that the newest Mitchum Deodorant campaign is a tasteless Old Spice knock-off. And like its friends Nationwide and to a lesser extent, Arby's, the new Best Buy spots are a near-complete rip-off of the lovely Flo, the spunky Progressive girl.

I often wonder why, instead of rushing to copy the latest trend to piggyback on the popularity of someone else's idea, more clients (and possibly the agencies, but probably just the clients) aren't rushing to BE the latest trend. Oh right, that's dangerous and scary. Best to let someone else do it first and then siphon success and call it your own. Silly me.

Also, why is it that Alec Baldwin's face always looks like he's having an allergic reaction to something? Like he's dehydrated, but somehow his face is just constantly swelling with fluid? It looks uncomfortable.

Hooray! pointless asides.

Saving the Little Guys

If you love Massachusetts craft beer, you should sign this.

Part 7. The end. Mostly because I'm tired.

Their response:

Dear Online Customer,

We understand your concern regarding our policy but this block is due to you having more than one returned check. It is also your responsibility as a customer to insure that payment being made is being deducted from an account with enough funds to back the withdrawal of payment. Also, keep in mind that National Grid does not have any affiliations with the credit bureaus nor do we report record of timely payment to the bureaus. An account that is past due 60 days will be forwarded to a collection agency. Once an account is forwarded to an agency, that agency may take further steps to post any delinquencies to your credit. You also have the choice of purchasing gas from any company servicing your area if you choose to as well, as National Grid is not the sole provider of Gas for New York City customers. If you may have any other questions regarding your account, please call customer service at (718)-643-4050.

My response:

Dear National Grid,

Not once has a check been returned for a lack of funds being in the account. The check in question had a stop-payment put on it because it took almost two months to go from the mailbox I dropped it in in Brooklyn at the end of February to your office in Newark, NJ. Worried that it ended up in the wrong hands, I canceled the check and sent another one which was deposited and process without issue prior to March 28th. This check covered the entire outstanding balance. All was fine and good until FINALLY the canceled check made it to your office and was deposited on April 4th. Because Capital One, the bank I was using, is also incompetent, they allowed the check to be processed and paid and then decided almost three weeks later that, in fact, the check was no good. Again, two things I have no control over (delay in the mail and Capital One being an awful bank). And a situation I was forced in to because you have prohibited me from paying my bill online.

Regarding my freedom to choose: this is true; I do have a choice in what company I buy my gas from. However, National Grid is the only company that can deliver this gas to me, and thus, I am bereft of options. I must always deal, in some capacity, with National Grid, the company that doesn't care. The only option I have is to abandon my lease (and lose my security deposit) and move to another part of New York where you don't have a strangehold on the market. Suffice to say, that's not an option right now.

Take care and have the loveliest of days,

Greg

Part 6. Could it finally be over?

Their response:

Dear Online Customer,

We understand your concern regarding your account. Unfortunately, because the payment was stopped and this has been the third occurrence in which a payment was unable to be deducted due to it being returned, our systems won't allow a check payment by phone, online, or mail, unless a it's a bank certified check, until 10/2811. However, you have the option of making a debit/credit card payment or mailing in a money order. If you may have any other questions, please call customer service at (718)-643-4050.

Thank You for contacting National Grid

My response:

Dear National Grid,

No, I get it. I'm well-aware of your policy. What I was originally trying to do was inform you that your policy is both extremely dumb and counterintuitive, and was hoping someone at National Grid could explain to me why it is your policy to do whatever you can to make the lives of your customers a living hell. Then again, I shouldn't be surprised that a evil, multi-national corporation such as your self has such a policy, as you most certainly increase profit margins whenever someone doesn't pay a bill on time because you then collect interest on that outstanding balance. So, in a way, it makes sense for your policy to make it harder and harder for someone to pay their bill on time because, even though you may be ruining their credit and making the rest of their lives unbelievably difficult because their credit is now ruined, you get to add a couple extra dollars to your bottom line. That being the case, perhaps it is my fault for believing someone that works there might have a conscience left.

That being said, I can only hope that someone with a sliver of decency gets elected to public office and makes it his or her mission to break up any and all regional monopolies held by utilities, and as such, National Grid goes bankrupt and any and all persons involved with making this policy get crushed by copiers or mauled by tigers. Of course, this won't happen because I'm sure National Grid uses the money I pay for natural gas to line the pockets of lobbyists and politicians who also have no conscience and will forever allow National Grid to shake the last few pennies from its customers, all while laughing and singing "We Didn't Start the Fire."

Please be aware that I may now begin mailing you picture of a dog licking its own genitals once a month as a sign of my distaste for your policy specifically, and more generally, your company.

Please take the greatest of care,

Greg

National Grid, Part 5

Their response:

Dear Online Customer,

Thank you for your inquiry.

Please take the following steps to register:

Go to www.nationalgridus.com and under Natural Gas choose the region (Kings - Brooklyn) in the drop down menu under New York, the page will refresh once this is done choose My Account on the upper right hand corner.

Choose "Register Now," fill in all fields and click "Submit."

Log in with your new User ID and Password.

On the next screen, complete the "Add Accounts" section, which requires your account number 02935-63022 and "Access Code" E7EA2AC .

Should you need anything further you can also call 718-643-4050.

Sincerely,

National Grid Customer Service

My response:

Dear National Grid,

You can't possibly be this incompetent. I am already registered on your website. I do NOT need help accessing my account. I know how to access the account online. Once again, I will copy and paste my original message. For all corresponding messages, please see the quoted text from previous emails below the web form.

Once you've figured out what I'm talking about, please respond.

Perhaps I'm Getting Somewhere. Part 4

Their response:

Dear Greg,

If you will provide us with your service address, we will forward your emails to the correct National Grid office so that they can assist you with your account.

Sincerely,

National Grid Customer Service

My response:

Dear National Grid,

I will gladly do that for you.

**** St. *********'s *******, Apt *

Brooklyn, NY *****

Take care,

Greg

(You know I'm not going to post my address.)

National Grid Part 3

At least they reply in a timely fashion.

Dear Greg,

You are having trouble accessing your account because you are on the wrong National Grid website.

To access your account, please go to our corporate website www.nationalgridus.com and click on the county your Natural Gas service is located in.

Sincerely,

National Grid Customer Service

My response.

Dear National Grid,

I'm guessing that the person who just responded to my email and the person who responded to my previous email are not the same. I am not having problems accessing my account online. I am having problems with how you conduct business, and now, how you respond to customer service complaints.

Also, I tried to pay my bill at one of your payment centers today because you have banned me from paying online and from mailing you a check. The kind gentlemen at the payment center informed me that I need a 14-digit account number to pay that bill. However, the number you print on my bills is only 10-digits. Can you perhaps see how this is both annoying and would lead to late payments by your customers? Of course, I realize that it is much more profitable for your business and its shareholders to ruin the credit of hard-working, responsible people like myself who try to pay their bills on time and instead run in to superfluous obstacles for which there are no paths of recourse other than to send obnoxious, snarky emails. And for this reason, I also understand that you don't care.

Rather than recap everything I've already explained via email and over the phone, I will simply copy and paste our previous correspondences in hopes that whatever new customer service representative gets this email can understand the entire situation and respond accordingly.

Below is my original email submitted via your website:

(I'll spare you reading that again. See an earlier post.)

The rest you should be able to find below in the "quoted text." If not, let me know and I will gladly fill you in.

Take care,

Greg

Round 2 with National Grid

National Grid's response to my email:

Dear Greg,

We were unable to locate your account number ********** on our records to see what happened on your account.

Please check the account number so we can review your account.

Sincerely,

National Grid Customer Service

And my response to theirs:

Dear National Grid,

It seems rather unbelievable to me that you cannot locate my account based on the number I gave you considering all I did was copy and paste that number from the ebill you send me every month. Or rather, the ebill you send me two-to-four-times a month that never has the same balance on it. If you could give it another try, I'd appreciate it.

Here is the account number again: **********

Take care,

Greg

The Importance of Customer Relations

National Grid, my natural gas provider, is a large corporate utility that has a monopoly on Brooklyn. As such, they don't have to give a shit about whether people like dealing with them or how their customer service ranks in comparison to competitors because, in the local market, they have none.

Due to a mistake on my part, as well as the unfortunate coincidence of both the USPS and Capital One Bank sucking at the same time, I have been locked out of both paying my bill online and paying my bill by check via snail mail. I am now forced to either pay by credit card, which comes with a $2.25 transaction fee per bill, money order, which also requires a fee, or pay in person, with cash. I spoke with a customer service representative yesterday who failed to grasp how punishing people so heavily for simple mistakes, some of which aren't even the customer's fault, will just lead to more mistakes as it becomes more and more difficult to pay bills on time. She didn't seem to care much about what I thought. As a result, I decided to send an email to National Grid with my thoughts regarding the matter.

I don't have a question, but rather, a suggestion.

I made a mistake typing in the bank account number when I first set up my online bill payment for my gas bill for National Grid. I now cannot make any payments online. I mailed National Grid a check at the end of February that did not end up making it to National Grid until the beginning of April. Fearing that the check had fallen into the wrong hands or was lost forever, I put a stop payment on the check in March and mailed you another check that was processed a few days later and covered the entire balance on my bill. The initial check with the stop payment order made it to you on April 4th when it was processed. It then took Capitol One, the bank that carries my checking account, 20 days to inform you that the check had been canceled, at which point you placed a ban on receiving any checks from me by mail.

I'm sure someone in your corporation has brought this up, but in case they haven't, I would like to point out how backwards this is in regards to preventing more occurrences of failed or mistaken payments for your customers. Because you have locked out both my online payment option and my ability to mail you a check, it has now become unbelievably difficult for me to pay my bill on time, as I have two roommates to collect payment from and then have to use my lunch break to travel by foot to a payment center. While I accept responsibility for not being more careful in my online payments, there is no actual fault on my part (or yours) for the mishap with mailing the check, except the unfortunate coincidence that both the USPS and Capital One suck.

While I realize you probably don't give a damn whether your customers are happy with you or not because you are a large utility corporation and I have no other option but to do business with you if I want heat, hot water and gas to cook with, but I thought I would take a few minutes out of my time to try and plead my case with whatever shred of human decency you may have left.

I'm tired of dealing with your backwards customer relations policies and plan on doing whatever I can to avoid having to do business with you ever again.

Take care,

Greg